Education is the investment.
I’ve been concerned about money throughout my life until one day I decided to study abroad. Despite failing to secure a scholarship, I pursued this path because I saw it as an opportunity for significant personal growth.
My time studying abroad was mostly enjoyable. I often tell people it was because I was unemployed during that period, but I recognize it was also due to the meaningful interactions with people, some of whom became my friends.
Later, I chose to return to my hometown with the belief that I would go back to study abroad, either as a degree student or a working professional. At that time, I strongly believed that returning to my home country would fuel my inner desire to study abroad even more.
I thought you would have changed but clearly you are not.
Back at home, when my parents inquire about my job search, I respond with vagueness. I questioned myself later, wondering why I avoid answering them honestly. I think it’s because I feel embarrassed, trying to shield myself from potential disappointment if I fail. I occasionally think about the fear of being mocked, a fear rooted in past experiences, especially during my younger years, although that might be a stretch.
On New Year’s Eve, I had a somewhat deep conversation with a friend about this issue. He emphasized that communication is key. Through this approach, he improved his relationship with his mom, discussing openly their needs and thoughts.
On New Year’s Day, a situation forced me to open up about it. I seized the opportunity to talk openly about my feelings and why I reacted the way I did. They asked why I think that way, and I said I don’t know, maybe it’s because their past reactions influenced me. Each time I mentioned this, I made it clear that it’s not their fault; it’s about my mindset, a sentiment they agreed with. They mentioned I was overthinking and urged me to focus on the present, not the past. When I pulled a stressed face, my mom asked why, and I responded, “I don’t know, Mom. What was I supposed to do, put on a happy face?” When I cried while opening up, my parents questioned why I was crying, saying I’m not a boy anymore and will face challenges in the working world. “So, a grown-up man cannot cry?” I don’t know why I have to open up about this; it seems like a waste of time, and they don’t understand my struggle at all.
It’s strange that I find it challenging to be open with them but not with people outside my home. I suppose there’s a reason why I love the first season of Six Feet Under so much.
McMurphy 